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Forgive and Forget…Really?
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much,” wrote Irish author Oscar Wilde (1854-1900). Sound advice, especially if we wish to keep our sanity as we move through life, and still wish to annoy those who transgress against us.
To forgive is noble and brave, but is it wise to forget? Is it even possible to erase negative interactions from our memories? Some might argue that true forgiveness entails forgetting, and that without forgetting we haven’t absolved the aggressors from their foul actions. Perhaps, but is wiping a misdeed from the memory possible? After all, we’re humans, not computers with a delete button impressed upon our foreheads.
Admittedly, forgetting negative events, or shall we say casting negative events to the far reaches of our minds, definitely has its benefits. To abide upon past malevolence stirs up old emotions and feelings, and not the joyous kind we desire to be filled with. Dwelling upon old wrongs, real or perceived, doesn’t help the cause of a sound mind. On the contrary, volatility, instability and spite are its outcomes – not much forgiveness in those traits. So yes, some form of forgetting is necessary to forgive, but as is often in life, circumstances dictate actions.
For example, would we invest money with someone we knew had cheated us? I think not. We may forgive them for their actions, and we may forget about the lost money (as difficult as that may be), but would we ever invest with them again – hardly, unless of course, we have a penchant for taking risks on people who have demonstrated the opposite of what we’ve desired.
On the other hand, if it was some misdeed that carried no severe penalties to us, whether financial or matters of the heart, we’d be much more prone to forgive and forget, and would most likely give that person a second chance. And if we didn’t, then we may want to question our self-righteousness, and ask whether we may have given cause for someone else having to forgive us for past misdeeds. Would we not want forgiveness?
To forgive and to forget is an exalted habit to practice. Naturally, it’s easier when the person forgiven exudes sincere and earnest contrition, but ultimately, with or without remorse, the beauty of forgiveness lies within the beholder. It demonstrates strength, courage and empathy – traits the world needs more of.
Forgive and forget…really? Yes, really…
For more check out The C.A.T. Principle: Change, Action, Trust – Words to Live By, a 2014 Global Ebook Awards Nominee, available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
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